FORKS, Wash. -- Those Goldman Sachs bankers taking home millions in bonuses could take a few lessons from the richest man in fiction, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Unlike those bankers, Cullen has avoided populist ire by hiding his $34.1 billion personal fortune from charities, the I.R.S. and, until now, Forbes' intrepid imaginary billionaire hunters.
"It took you long enough to find me," Cullen, 370, said when approached at his home in Forks, Wash., before peeling off in his Mercedes S55 AMG. Sources tell us he is headed to Volterra, Italy, or possibly to Isle Esme, the private island he bought for his wife, Esme, just off the coast of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil...
Sources who requested anonymity out of fear of retaliation say that an unruly troop of London vampires converted Cullen into a vampire in 1663 (the alleged vampires did not return repeated calls for comment)...
But Cullen has bigger things than his medical license and an ongoing I.R.S. audit to worry about, namely, his old benefactors. The Volturi have laws, or really, just one law, to being a vampire: You must keep a low profile. They forbid exposure. Forbes could not reach Aro, Marcus or Caius Volturi for comment, but was able to reach Felix, a member of their security detail.
Asked how he and his employers planned to deal with Cullen's recent exposure, Felix would only offer, "Dibs."
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